Last Day of Year 2005

This blog is starting to look like an online diary. Ok, lest I forget what I did to end the year 2005. Had lunch with my former grade school science teacher and her family at her house with some other Uneans from way way back. Then, off to visit my brother's buddy at Blacktown. Chatted and ate (again) till late afternoon. From Blacktown to Chatswood to have NYE dinner with my parents' classmates. Didn't stay too long, as we have to drive to Pyrmont for the midnight fireworks.

Happy New Year, everyone!

The Dog on the Tuckerbox and the Princess Bride - Melbourne Tour Day 4

It's another 12 hours on the road back to Sydney. The only thing worth mentioning is our stop at Gundagai. There's a famous local landmark called the Dog on the Tuckerbox, which features well, a dog on a tuckerbox. Its origin goes all the way back to the days of the early pioneers in the Australian bush. In 1824, the trail around the Murrumbidgee River was opened up for prospectors and cattle drovers. Times were hard and hazardous, with all supplies having to be manhandled by bullock carts along the makeshift track. Each wagon would usually be accompanied by a dog, who guards his owner's tuckerbox.

To pass the time during rest periods, "bullockies" would make up doggerel verse and rhymes, telling stories of their exploits. Rumour has it that the legend of the tuckerbox was born in 1850, on a river creek north of Gundagai. One particular story tells of the hardships of Billy the Bullocky - getting bogged down at nine mile creek, Nobby breaking the yoke, generally getting fed up. To make things worse, his trusty dog sat on the tuckerbox, ruining his meal for the night. Another version says the dog on the tuckerbox is meant to represent the dog's loyalty and trustworthiness in guarding his master's possessions.

Below is the original version of the story. It was later amended and made into a poem by Jack Moses. In 1937, Jack O'Hagen's popular song about it immortalized the Dog on the Tuckerbox.

Bowyang Yorke's Poem
As I was coming down Conroy's Gap,
I heard a maiden cry;
'There goes Bill the Bullocky,
He's bound for Gundagai.
A better poor old beggar
Never earnt an honest crust,
A better poor old beggar
Never drug a whip through dust.'
His team got bogged at the nine mile creek,
Bill lashed and swore and cried;
'If Nobby don't get me out of this,
I'll tattoo his bloody hide.'
But Nobby strained and broke the yoke,
And poked out the leader's eye;
Then the dog sat on the Tucker Box
Nine miles from Gundagai.

During the 12-hour trip, I also managed to finish reading William Goldman's The Princess Bride. It's easy to see why the book is a cult classic. Believable characters, fast-moving plot, a smorgasboard of action, adventure, drama, romance, comedy, tragedy etc. - storytelling at its best. The blurb goes, "Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles." The book purports to be an abridgment done by Goldman of an older version written by S. Morgenstern. I was lucky enough to have the 25th anniversary edition, which comes with Chapter 1 of the sequel called Buttercup's Baby. I don't believe the sequel was ever published.

The book is about the haughty but beautiful Buttercup, who fell in love with farm boy Westley, whom she keeps on bossing around. Westley goes off to America to make his fortune, but was killed by the dreaded Dread Pirate Roberts. Buttercup died (inside) that day, and was later selected to marry Prince Humperdinck. Weeks before the wedding, Princess Buttercup was kidnapped by the Sicilian Vizzini, the Spaniard Inigo Montoya, and the giant Fezzik. The plan was to kill her and dump her body on the Guilder frontier, thus giving Prince Humperdinck an excuse to mount an attack. A man in black gave chase through the Florin Channel and up the Cliffs of Insanity. He bested Inigo Montoya in swordplay, Fezzik in a battle of strength, and Vizzini in a game of wits to finally rescue Princess Buttercup. The man in black turns out to be the Dread Pirate Roberts, who turned out to be the missing Westley. (Long story.) The book then goes into how they dropped into a ravine, how they traversed the Fire Swamp, how they escaped the Lightning Sand, how they fought off the R.O.U.S. (Rodents of Unusual Size), and how they ended up in Prince Humperdinck's clutches. Buttercup gave herself up on the condition that Westley be freed. Unknown to her, Westley was brought to the Zoo of Death, where the Count Rugen tries out his toys of torture on him, especially The Machine. On a particularly bad day where Buttercup found out that Humperdinck never sent ships to look for Westley, the Prince charged down to the Pit of Despair and activated The Machine on maximum, which ultimately killed Westley. Yes, he died - but not for long. Fezzik and Inigo Montoya rescued him from the Zoo of Death and brought him to the miracle man Miracle Max, who brought him back to life for 65 dollars. Off they went to storm Humperdinck's castle. Westley rescues Buttercup from her husband-to-be. Inigo Montoya kills the six-fingered Count Rugen (who killed his father) in a bloody duel. Fezzik finds them four steeds to take them to safety. And they lived happily ever after. The End.

Boxing Day - Melbourne Tour Day 3

Today being another holiday, our breakfast consisted of bland bread and silly cereals. This morning, we're supposed to go to Sovereign Hill. We first dropped by the Gold Museum across the road, while waiting for it to open. The Gold Museum gives quite a comprehensive history of the gold rush in Ballarat during the 1850s. The place is packed with replicas of gold nuggets, mining equipment, and interactive displays showing how mining is done. There's a souvenir shop selling gold trinkets (what else), which made the girls quite happy. The tour guide wasn't so happy because a few of them were late in getting back to the bus. Right outside the Gold Museum is a sculpture of Sir Henry Bolte.

At Sovereign Hill, you're transported back to 1850s Ballarat. The 25-hectare Sovereign Hill has about 60 building spread over the recreated goldfields township. There's a main road with quaint little shops on each side of the road. The shops are real and manned by costumed staff. You can walk in any shop and make your purchases. Other volunteers in period costumes walk around, so don't be shy to take pictures with them. (What a job!) Feel free to hop on horse-drawn carriages passing by, but don't forget to pay your fare. Our designated guide walked us through some huge steam machinery, then to the underground mines. The place is dark and cool, and the air is thin. The guide showed us where the gold deposits are, how the miners communicate with the people above, etc. We also watched a multimedia show depicting life in the mines. After the tour, everybody rushed to the Red Hill Gully Diggings to pan for gold. Everyone was so serious in shovelling up the sediments and sifting through them in shallow pans, in hopes of finding real gold. I was skeptical; I mean, all the gold must've been sucked out by done. Only after reading the park brochure did I learn that $30,000 worth of real gold is put into the creek every year for people to "discover." Chanced upon a Redcoat soldier giving a musket firing demonstration. Somewhere in the park is a gold smelting demonstration, where a $50,000 pure gold ingot is poured. Too bad we ran out of time. Twelve Apostles is a few hours' drive away, so we had to leave early. Is it worth the $32.50 entrance fee? I don't think so.

My colleague advised me to sit on the left side of the bus when we're driving along the Great Ocean Road. Sit on the right, and you won't see a thing. Well, we're on our way to the Twelve Apostles, I'm staring out the windows, but all I see are trees. Later on the trees started thinning and the ocean came into view. A few minutes later, we're parked at the grounds of Port Campbell National Park. Huh?! Where did the hours of Great Ocean Drive go?! We must've taken a different route or something. Anyway, we crossed a tunnel to the viewing platforms and we see the majestic Twelve Apostles. It's now a misnomer because a couple of the Apostles broke down and plunged into the Southern Ocean. One of them crumbled just last year. For the geology-inclined readers, the Apostles were originally part of the cliffs behind them millions of years ago. Through years and years of waves and wind, the soft limestone started to wear away, leaving caves in the cliffs. As the sea retreated, the caves became archways, and when they eventually collapsed, the rock islands isolated from the main cliffs became known as the Twelve Apostles. We didn't stay too long because the kissing flies were out in full force. The sun was at maximum brightness and coupled with reflections from the water, my pictures appear washed out. It's still an impressive sight though.

Merry Christmas! - Melbourne Tour Day 2

Today is the official start of the Melbourne tour. After a bland breakfast at the hotel consisting of toast and jam and cereals (today being a holiday), the coach brought us to the Parliament House. Everyone spilled out of the bus and started taking pictures. Designed by Peter Kerr and J.G.Knight, the buildings were constructed at the height of the gold rush. Parliament of Victoria officially opened in 1856, and so will be celebrating it's 150th anniversary next year. Further to the right of the Parliament House is the Princess Theater, which dates all the way back to 1886.

On our way to St. Patrick's Cathedral, I noticed the upside-down statue of La Trobe in Gordon Reserve, which took me by surprise. (Charles Joseph La Trobe was the first lieutenant-governor of the colony of Victoria.) I didn't notice this the last time I was in Melbourne, so it must have been a new installment. After some research, I found out that the contemporary art piece was created by artist Charles Robb and unveiled around October. It looks like a typical 19th-century bronze sculpture, but is actually made of plastic and fibreglass. Mr Robb said the inversion of La Trobe questioned the purpose of public monuments and their meaning in contemporary society. Uh-huh.

St. Patrick's Cathedral is another great place to take pictures. It must be Melbourne's answer to Sydney's St. Mary's Cathedral. Designed by William Wardell in the Gothic Revival style, St Patrick's is regarded internationally as the finest ecclesiastical building in Australia. Construction started in 1858 and took 82 years to complete. Too bad there's mass going on - I would've liked to take a picture of its organ for my Bavarian friend.

Next stop is Cook's Cottage in Fitzroy Gardens. For those who don't know, Captain James Cook is the discoverer of Australia. The original Cook's Cottage was built by Captain Cook's parents in 1755 in in Great Ayton, Yorkshire, England. There's quite an amazing story how the cottage ended up in Fitzroy Gardens. In 1933, the owner of the cottage decided to sell it. However, the patriotic owner didn't want it to end up in American hands, so she made it a condition of sale that the building must remain in England. The forthcoming sale was featured in the Melbourne Herald, and got the attention of Mr. (later Sir) Russell Grimwade. Next year was Victoria's centenary, so he thought he should make a bid for the cottage and have it moved to Melbourne, as the capital of Victoria, whose coastline included Captain Cook's first Australian landfall. The owner was persuaded to change the wording of the condition of sale from "England" to "the Empire," and accepted the Australian offer of £800 vs. the highest local offer of £300. The structure was dismantled brick by brick, and shipped in 253 crates and 40 barrels, complete with a cutting from the ivy which had grown on the original building. Today the house is covered by the ivy. Near Cook's Cottage is Sinclair's Cottage, named after James Sinclair. Mr. Sinclair is pretty much responsible for the development of Fitzroy Square and Elms Avenue. Also within Fitzroy Gardens is the Conservatory. It opened on March 13, 1930, and has flower displays all year round, depending on which flowers are in season.

Next on the agenda is the Yarra River Cruise, which I opted out of in favor of a walk along the river. One thing I noticed is that some of the bridges are built quite low. I wonder if the ferries can traverse them during high tide. After lunch, we went to the Rialto Towers to visit the Melbourne Observation Deck on level 55. Rialto Towers stands at 253 meters, has 63 storeys, and used to hold the title of tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere. That honour now goes to Eureka Tower, which is still under construction. Once completed, it will be 297 meters tall and have 92 storeys. Admission to the Observation Deck is $14, and includes entry to the RialtoVision Theatre, where one can watch the award-winning 20-minute film entitled "Melbourne the Living City," featuring the many attractions and events that Victoria offers. A high-speed lift (25kph) took us to level 55, which offers spectacular 360-degree views of Melbourne, 60 kms. to the horizon.

We still have a bit of time to spare, so the tour guide took us to the Crown Casino. Comparing it to Sydney's Star City Casino, I'm quite impressed with the decorations and scale of Crown Casino. At the Atrium, Crown's light-and-sound Christmas Spectacular show happens every 30 minutes. As the giant clock counts down to showtime, the whole place is transformed into a giant circus with flying acrobats, dancing reindeers, plus the whirling carousel, the big top with the marionette show, and of course, Santa.

Last on the list is the Penguin Parade at Philip Island. The tour guide stressed to us that the night is going to be very cold, so we spent some time first inside the Visitor Centre, watching some clips about the little penguins (Eudyptula minor), and observing them in their underground burrows. Just before showtime, we headed off along the boardwalks to the outdoor viewing stands. The place is just packed with people. There are rangers around who make sure you don't sit at the sides, and absolutely no photography allowed. I saw a few people trying to sneak some shots, and were promptly accosted by the rangers. I think they actually confiscate your camera, but I could be wrong. What happens is that the little penguins go out to sea fishing all day. At night, they swim back in and waddle to shore into their underground burrows to rest. Watching the penguins come in, you can see how evolution has influenced their behaviour. Once they get to the beach, they mill around and form a single file. Oftentimes, a wave would come crashing down on them, and they wash out to sea again. If they have the numbers and conditions are right, they make a run (more like a walk) for it. The others who are too slow fall back and wait until they get their numbers up again. Watching the penguins do this again and again is quite entertaining.

Done with Dan Brown - Melbourne Tour Day 1

At long last, I've finally finished all four books by Dan Brown. If you're totally new to the author, I suggest you read his books in the following order: Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress, then Deception Point. No doubt Da Vinci Code is good - that's what got me hooked in the first place. Angels and Demons is almost a copy of the previous - same type of characters, same story development, but in a different setting. The plot's not too bad though. In Digital Fortress, Dan Brown tries his hand in the techno-thriller genre and fails miserably. In Deception Point, he goes for a political suspense, and again fails.

Off to Melbourne for a 4-day tour. It's 880 kilometers from Sydney to Melbourne (or so I was told), so it's a great time to catch up on some reading. For the trip I brought Deception Point (just to get it over with) and The Princess Bride. You would think a guy can finish 2 books in 12 hours, but distractions abound. I look out the coach window from time to time, hoping for great pictures to take. Then, there's the pit stops every 2 hours or so. Other times the tour guide would put on a movie and leave the TV's volume on max. Not really conducive to reading books or listening to MP3s. During these times, I nod off to sleep. One of the stops we made is at Albury, the last town on NSW before we cross over to Victoria. According to our tour guide, Albury was originally selected to become the capital of Australia. On the day of site inspection, it rained and everything was dark and gloomy. That's how Canberra got the title instead. Yeah, blame it on the weather.

Had a sumptuous dinner at the Dragon Boat Restaurant in Holiday Inn, then off to a Comfort Inn called Crest at Barkly. It's pretty far from the city. (I believe it's quite close to St. Kilda Beach.) Took the tram back to the city centre where lots of people are about as it's Christmas Eve. There's a long queue outside Myer with its Santa Kid window display. A big Xmas tree is set up at Federation Square, but it's nowhere the size of the one at Martin Place or QVB. St. Paul's Cathedral is open at this time of night, and the church choir is having a concert. Of course, Carols by Candlelight is also happening tonight at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl. We're all a bit tired, so we didn't go for that anymore. Watched the traditional event on the telly. Found out later that the Christmas Eve concert is not a free event, unlike Carols in the Domain in Sydney. Tickets range from $30-$70 for an adult and $90-$185 for a family of 4. (Now we know which one's the better city. Kidding.)

I am Tim Canterbury

Why is it I feel I'm stuck in a world filled with characters from The Office, and I happen to be Tim Canterbury? I quote his character profile from the website: "Tim is a Sales Rep who is crushingly aware of the pointlessness of his work and the mediocrity that surrounds him. He is the classic under-achiever who rolled life's dice and got a three." Remember the scene where Gareth finds a gift-wrapped bottle of wine on the table, and he goes, "That's a bottle of wine." Tim gives a look of (mock) surprise, and asks, "You reckon?" And Gareth goes, "Yeah, just look at the shape." Spare me.

Missed Again!

To all the drivers out there. Always make the shoulder-check when changing lanes because blind spots really do exist, and they can be dangerous. Simply looking at the side mirror is not enough.

I've been driving for years back in Manila, and I never got the habit to shoulder-check. I drive pretty fast, so there never was a need. Every time I switch lanes, I'm pretty sure noboby will be behind me. Here in Sydney, I have to keep within 60kph, and everyone else is on the same speed. Just a while ago, I had a near-collision. After making sure there was no car on my side mirror, I accelerated a little bit, and started turning the wheel. At the last moment, a white car magically appeared right beside me. I swerved back to my lane, and saved myself from car insurance hell. Obviously, the guy was not happy. I immediately gave him the universal peace sign between drivers, and he was appeased, I think.

Burger King No More

Passed by Burwood area, and noticed that Australia's one and only remaining Burger King outlet is no more. It has not been transformed into a Hungry Jack's. I covered this topic in a previous post. I was told that they are two separate companies; they just happen to have a very close relationship. Beats me, but their logos are suspiciously similar. Story goes that when Burger King first came to Australia, the name was already trademarked by a guy named Jack Crown. Hence, Burger King outlets were named Hungry Jack's. The only places where you can find Burger King outlets in Australia were in international airports, which are apparently not covered by the Crown licensing deal. As to how Burwood managed to have the last Burger King outlet, I don't know. But that's not important anymore.

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!

Movie 2005.12.11 - Manitou's Shoe

One of those nonsense movies whose only purpose is to make the audience laugh. Plot? What plot?! Ok, if you really want to know.

We have Abahachi, who is the Chief of the Apache Indians. He has a blood brother called Ranger, who happens to be a white man. Abahachi was sold into the idea of buying a new saloon for his tribe, so he takes up credit from the Shoshone Indians. On the day of the exchange, Abahachi and Ranger discovers that Santa Maria the agent had tricked them. All they got was an authentic-looking facade of a saloon. A gunfight ensued, and False Rabbit, son of the Shoshones chief, was killed. The Shoshones want their money back, so Abahachi and Ranger goes off in search of hidden treasure. Abahachi's grandfather Mad Cow left him a treasure map, which had since been quartered. Abahachi has one part. His twin gay brother Winnetouch, who lives in the pink Powder Rose Ranch, has another. The other piece is tattooed on the back of sexy saloon chanteuse Uschi, while the last is with the Greek Dmitri Stoubakis, who dreams of becoming a red Indian. At the end of the movie, everybody ends up at a mountain called Manitou's Shoe, where there is a mad scramble for the treasure involving a lot of tunnels, sliding rocks and trap doors.

I can't even remember the ending of the story, but that's not the important part. I do remember Santa Maria and his henchmen re-enacting the Superperforator commercial, complete with song and dance. Even though the movie is mostly slapstick, it went on to win tons of awards, and is said to be Germany's highest-grossing film. Lyrics below for some sing-along fun:

You don't have to wait for later
here's a new eliminator
ask your local weapon trader
for the "Superperforator"!

Stress - Just cool it!
Here's a special bullet
put it in the magazin
boom a bang into your beam!

You can call the operator
for the "Superperforator"
killing is our habit,
make you weedle like a rabbit ,

but before you die my dear
have a final glass of beer
and before the break of dawn
we'll have you back where you belong
sprinkle-dinkle-dong

Bully bang bang
dabang boom boom
meet your doom
call us soon!
the local weapon trader
with your "Superperforator"
Cheers!

Cherry-Picking

For those who never tried cherry-picking before, this is how it works. During cherry season (mid-November to late December), you go to a pick-your-own orchard. Some orchards charge an entrance fee, some don't. Obviously, the latter is better. Once within the orchards, any cherries you eat on-site is free-of-charge. (Remember to bring a high-capacity stomach.) You'll also be given a bucket. Any cherries you bring out of the orchard will have to be paid for (on a per-kilo basis).

We went to Wombat Height Orchard in Young for our cherry-picking. The town of Young is in the south-west region of southern NSW. Took us 5 hours to reach there from Sydney by coach. The place is hot, dusty, and full of flies, but the cherries are not too bad. After 2.5 hours of cherry-picking, it's time to make the trip back home. Record-holder for the day is this Vietnamese guy with his wife and sister who picked 30+ kilos worth of cherries.

My Kind of Gym

What kind of gym opens at 9 in the morning and closes at 6pm during Fridays? That's my kind of gym. I never bothered to checked the hours of operation, and I found out the hard way. I guess the 5-minute walk back to the office is exercise enough.

Two Hours in the Mall on the Mobile

Hands-free kit - never leave the office without it.

I was walking along George Street when the customer called. They attempted a WAP gateway cutover last night, but it didn't go too well, so they had to do a complete rollback. It's fingerpointing time, so they're wondering if I can join the teleconference. I would rather walk back to the office (which is 20 minutes away), and make the call, but they want to do it now, as in now. Thinking the sidewalk might be a bit noisy, I hopped into the World Square. It's not as quiet as I thought because the space is enclosed, and sounds from the shoppers echo. I hid behind an ATM machine. I took my position in a corner of the lifts section. The ambient noise was so bad the host asked the party responsible to mute his phone, which I promptly did. With my 6680 in mute mode, I can't use the speakerphone feature anymore. And this means I have to hold the phone to my ear for two whole hours, in case somebody asks a question directed at me.

By the end of two hours, my mobile is noticeably warm, my ear is definitely hot, and I'm sure I killed a few million brain cells by cellphone radiation.

No, Virginia, There's No Al-Qaeda

I just finished watching part three of Adam Curtis' documentary called The Power of Nightmares on SBS. Its premise is that Al-Qaeda as an organized worldwide terrorist group as portrayed by the US and Britain doesn't exist. Yes, it's true that there are a few terrorist groups here and there doing their thing, but it's not the well-oiled terrorist group it's being made to be. So if there's no real Al-Qaeda, then who is Bush and Blair trying to catch all this time? Well, that's the problem. If your target is a ghost, it doesn't matter how many billions of dollars and troops you pour into Iraq and Afghanistan. There'll be no end to the witchhunt. The more important question is why.

It all started with 9/11. We now know that 9/11 and Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein are all different things. We now know that there are no weapons of mass destruction (only weapons of mass distraction). The neoconservatives saw this as their chance to advance their cause, so Saddam was made the scapegoat. There he was happily terrorizing his own people, then the US troops moved in and bombed him out of his foxhole.

When the US troops first went looking for Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan, things weren't going too well. The British offered to help with their years of experience fighting the IRA. Weeks later, still no Al-Qaeda in sight. So they enlisted the help of the local Northern Alliance. Better results this time. I mean, if you're going to offer x amount of dollars for every "Taliban" caught, of course you're gonna get results. I understand business was so good, the Northern Alliance was turning in anyone who looked remotely Middle Eastern. Hah! Later on, the Northern Alliance told the US that Mr. Bin Laden is holed up in the Tora Bora caves. Mr. Rumsfeld even went on national television showing blueprints of the sophisticated mountain complex complete with multiple levels, interconnected tunnels, computer and computer systems, bedroom and office areas, ventilation systems, etc. With this "intelligence", the US bombed the whole place, and the Northern Alliance went in. No mountain complex, no Al-Qaeda, except for a few caves used as arms storage.

Feeling a bit out of luck, the neoconservatives took the search home. Wonder of wonders, everywhere they look there are terrorist sleeper cells. All of them Al-Qaeda! They said this man is a terrorist. Proof? He went to Disneyland with some friends, and he made a home video during the trip. They said he was casing the place for a possible terrorist attack. A trash can - that's where he plans to plant the bomb. A shot of the ground - he's counting the steps. Oh, a tree - that's where he intends to hide in a sniper operation. Another man was arrested as a possible terrorist. He had some doodles in his planner. An expert was called in and she testified that the doodles represent a military base in Turkey with AWACS planes and fighter jets on the runway. It was later proven that the man who drew the doodles is a 100% lunatic. I guess that makes the "expert" a lunatic, too. Heard about the one about Ultimate Jihad Challenge? Supposedly a school in London for terrorist training? Turns out it was a self-defense course. The school's only client is a security guard from a supermarket. Then there's this bunch of students playing paintball in Virginia. They were convicted of training to make a terrorist attack.

The stories are quite funny, until you realize they're all true. But don't take my word for it. Watch the series, or read the transcripts. Spread the word. Peace, man.

Movie 2005.12.07 - Donnie Darko

I can only wonder why I haven't watched this film earlier. Donnie Darko has none of the embellishments of a big-budget film or big-shot stars, but this only serves to stress the powerful plot and make the audience concentrate more on the sequence of events. This cult movie is hard to understand, and even harder to explain. I hope you've already watched it before reading my analysis.

Donnie Darko is a troubled teenager living in Middlesex, Virginia. One fateful night (Oct. 2, 1988), a voice wakes him up and leads him to the golf course. A demonic human-sized bunny appears and tells him that the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. While Donnie is out of the house, a jet engine falls from the sky and crashes into his bedroom. Looks like a stroke of good luck, but in fact, Donnie's troubles have only begun. You see, Donnie is supposed to die that night. When the FAA investigates the incident, they can't trace where that engine came from because it came from the future. Hear me out before you smirk. Time travel, wormholes, parallel universes, ring a bell? Somehow, a plane from a (future) parallel (or tangent) universe crossed a wormhole and its engine is dislodged and is sucked into our universe (28 days before). The premise here is that the wormhole between our universe and the parallel universe is inherently unstable, thus it has to be closed off in 28 days, or else our world will end. And that heroic feat rests on Donnie as he cheated his destined fate.

We can't say for sure whether all this is happening for real, or maybe just a product of his schizophrenia medication and psychiatric sessions. Either way, Frank the demonic bunny comes to him regularly and tells Donnie what to do. Frank here acts like his tour guide from the future because everything that Donnie does brings him closer to sealing off the parallel universe. He floods the school and gets to meet his future girlfriend Gretchen on his way home. He burns down the house of Jim Cunningham, a self-help guru, and the responding firemen discovers a kiddie porn dungeon, and hauls the motivational speaker away. Kitty Hawk, the physical education teacher, is supposed to chaperone some girls to Ed McMahon's Star Search competition in LA, California, but she opted to stay behind and defend the "innocent" Jim Cunningham. She begs Donnie's mom to pitch in for her, so that's how Donnie's mother and younger sister ended up on that fateful plane whose engine got sucked into a wormhole and crashed into his bedroom 28 days earlier. Now you see....., but we're not yet done.

With their parents gone, Donnie and his sister throw a Halloween party. (Hmm, costumes, hmm.) Feeling that the end is nigh, he brings Gretchen to see 101-year old Grandma Death a.k.a. Roberta Sparrow, who was actually a teacher at Middlesex Ridge School and author of The Philosophy of Time Travel, where all these time travel concepts are explained. There they encounter a bunch of thugs looking for rumoured treasure in the cellar. They have a scuffle, and Gretchen was thrown onto the ground. Meanwhile, Frank was driving down the road. Yes, Frank who left the party to get more beer. Frank who sees Grandma Death standing in the middle of the road. Frank who swerves and runs over Gretchen instead. Frank who is dressed up as a bunny. Yes, Frank who is Donnie's spiritual guide from the future. (I just love this part. Very similar to the time that the main character in Fight Club discovers that he is Tyler Durden's alter ego.) Donnie finds Gretchen dead. He pulls out the gun that Frank (the dead bunny from the future) told him to steal from his parent's room and shoots Frank in the face.

Up in the sky, Donnie's Mom and younger sister are on Flight 2806 (28 days 6 hours, get it?) on their way back to Virginia. The plane wing explodes and the engine breaks away. It crashes into Donnie's bedroom, where he's on the bed patiently waiting for his time to come.

Now, time for some funny and/or interesting quotes:
Donnie: Will you go with me? Gretchen: Where are we going?
Kid on tape: I'M NOT SCARED ANYMORE!
Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit? Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
Student1: What are feces? Student2: Baby mice. Student1: Awwww.
Grandma Death: Every living creature on earth dies alone.
Elizabeth: Well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you.
Dr. Monnitoff: If we could see our destinies manifest themselves visually, then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end.
Kitty Farmer: Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Ms. Pomeroy: A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that "Cellar Door" is the most beautiful.

For the Love of Work

It's two in the morning. Do you know where you are?

Well, I'm at the customer data centre, sshing to a traffic analyzer, and updating some charging rules via a Java applet. I'm thinking what am I doing here? This is not my activity; I'm not being paid overtime; I'm not even supposed to be awake at this time of the morning. The customer is supposed to do it by themselves, but somehow they feel better with me on the conference bridge. Start of activity, my counterpart discovers the Java on his remote desktop is not working properly. He continues with it anyway, and messes up the rulebase. I tried to connect to the box via DSL through a VPN tunnel. Curious enough, the Java on our remote desktop in Europe isn't working, too. We got an Ops guy to try on his desktop. Fortunately his works, so we got him to make all the rule modifications for us. For verification, he emails us all a screenshot of the completed rulebase. A closer look at the status line shows that there's a problem with https, so the rules were not actually saved.

By now, my counterpart is not amused. He wakes up the IT guy and made him install a new version of Java on the remote desktop. Didn't work as now there's a version conflict. The IT guy says he'll look into it next morning. My counterpart smells blood and that's what he wants. He rings up the guy's supervisor. Remember this is around 1 am. The lady supervisor joins the bridge and she has no idea what is going on. I've been on the bridge for like 2 hours already, and I wonder what my monthly mobile bill is gonna be like. I just want to go to bed, so I offered to drive down to the data center and fix everything up.

Five minutes after I arrive, another guy drove in. Ah, it's the IT guy. Apparently, some things can't wait till morning. He got off the correct Java version from me, installed it on the server, and left. I fixed up the rulebase, and dialed back into the bridge. My counterpart is not there. Nor is he answering his 3G phone or his XDA. Jeez! The guy dropped off to sleep again!

Gosh, I love my work.

Movie 2005.12.06 - High Fidelity

After watching High Fidelity, I'm guessing that this is one of those movies where reading the book it's based on is more rewarding. I haven't read the book, but from Fever Pitch, About a Boy, and How to Be Good, I can tell that Nick Hornby really has a way with words. Some works just don't translate well to the big screen.

John Cusack plays Rob Gordon, owner of a backstreet record store called Championship Vinyl, who is confused and angst-ridden even though he's not a teenager anymore. Basically, he runs his shop the same way Bernard Black runs Black Books - by ignoring his customers. Having been recently dumped by long-time lawyer-girlfriend Laura (Iben Hjejle), he spends most of his time re-examining his past relationships and constructing top-five song lists with assistants Barry (Jack Black) and Dick (Todd Louiso).

Ok, here's my Top 5 Super Mushy Love Songs Best Played in the Middle of the Night when It's So Quiet You Can Hear a Pin Drop:

1. If I Go Away - Paul Jackson Jr. (Barbara Weathers - vocals)
   
2. All in How Much We Give - Stephanie Mills
3. If I'm Not in Love - Kathy Troccoli
4. Land of the Loving - David Benoit
5. If There is You - Kilauea (Heather Mullen - vocals)
   

Never heard of the songs before? Click here to sample.

256-Column Excel

I've been using Microsoft Excel for years, and it's only today that I discovered that it can only do 256 columns. Is this the same Excel that killed off Lotus 1-2-3, VisiCalc, and Quattro Pro? Is this the same Excel that multinationals and big businesses use to crunch their financials? Is this the same Excel that has been around for decades?

I mean, having a 256-column limit in a spreadsheet is just absurd. Heck, there are more days in a year.

Picnic at Narrabeen

We had a summer picnic with some friends and acquaintances at the Berry Reserve in Narrabeen. Great place for fishing, kayaking, and reading a book (which I did). I would've joined the 1-hour kayaking activity had I bought a change of clothes.

After a potluck lunch, we played a round of charades using movie titles as the category. After 16 or so rounds, our team won hands-down. I mean, with movie titles such as Ishtar, Amadeus, Donnie Darko, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, The Librarian: Quest for the Spear, The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, Boxing Helena, etc., there's just no way we're gonna lose.

Back to Badminton

After a months-long hiatus, I'm back to my badminton habit. I have to say they have nice courts over at the Athletic Centre of Olympic Park. I played a mere two games, and I'm hurting all over. I must be working the wrong muscle groups at the gym.

Christmas Party 2005

I skipped last year's Christmas Party at Aqua Luna Bar, Circular Quay. People tell me it's a wise decision because it's all cocktails and no food. Everybody sort of just milled around and made small talk throughout the night and that's it.

This year, we had it at Stage 11 Fox Studios. There was a line-up of show to liven things up. We had a fashion show and awards ceremony for all the guys who signed up for Movember to raise funds and awareness for prostrate cancer research. We had 10 or so Mo Bros, who raised approximately A$6,000. HR got this neat idea to sponsor one of our colleagues who has had a permanent beard since the 70's. In a matter of minutes, after auctioning off a few bottles of wine, and with our manager doing the rounds with a donation box, another A$2,000 was raised for the Prostrate Cancer Foundation of Australia. The guy was called on stage and was given a shave right then and there by a barber.

Next up, another colleague performed a sizzling Seda dance. After some intense gyrations, the piece of cloth covering her ample chest can't take it anymore, and started slipping off. So she had to dance with one hand holding on to it. Next, her black skirt had a 'wardrobe malfunction', so she had to hold on to that, too. The dance wasn't that much fun anymore from that point on, and she made a hasty retreat after the song ended.

Last act is a rock band made up of engineers. These are the guys I work with day in and day out. Quite amazing to see them on stage singing and playing like rock stars with a bad attitude. The lead singer is a Finn, keyboard is from Czech Republic, drums from Finland, and guitars/bass from India, Thailand, and Italy. You can't get more international than that! They played a succession of nine rock classics - they kind where you bodyslam, headbang, and jump up and down to. Smashing!

I left the place relatively early around 10:30pm. Was already at the carpark when I remembered a colleague of mine who came via taxi. Good thing I called because she was planning to take the bus to Town Hall, then to Pyrmont. And the first bus is only coming at 11:30pm. Chalk up 10 karma points for me for giving my colleague a lift home.

Climate Change Indeed

Can't believe it's December already. About a month ago, Sydney weather hit a high of 38 degrees - the highest on record. And that was spring season. We're now moving into the summer months, and it's been raining almost every day with temperature in the low 20s.

The weather shift can be quite fast. Within the same day, it can go from showers and thunderstorms to mostly sunny and hot. Kyoto Now!

Vegemite Not for Birds

Vegemite truly tastes awful. I bought the smallest bottle I can find, and still took me months before I ran out of things to spread on my bread, and was forced to try it.

I have this habit of walking down to the Pyrmont Point and eating my breakfast on one of the benches along the promenade. Today's bread is a bit tough on the edges so I peeled part of it and threw it to the bird waiting on me. He had a hard time, too but managed to break it into smaller pieces. The Vegemite spread was so bad, I decided to share some of it with my bird friend. He walked near the piece with the Vegemite, took a whiff, and walked away. Didn't even look back once.

The Importance of Being Focused

Not much use being earnest with a server like an IBM xSeries 335. What you need when installing software on a pizza box is focus. The server knows when you're not concentrating and it'll do it's own thing if you don't pay attention.

The first time the x335 booted, I was reading emails, so I didn't get to press F12, which will force it to do a network boot and fetch the primary OS from the FEWS laptop. Second time around, I was able to press F12, but went back to my emails while the kernel is loading. I forgot that the priOS will prompt for the hardware type. The server got tired of waiting, so it chose the cp1 option when the right one should be x335. In the middle of the install process, I noticed that some important files were missing. A quick check of the previous commands showed that I missed a parameter, which meant a re-installation.

Sometimes I feel the more we try to multitask and maximize time, the more time is wasted.

Book 2005.11.27: Digital Fortress

Believe me, if you're a geek, you wouldn't want to be reading this book. Having read Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and now Digital Fortress, I simply can't understand why Dan Brown became so famous.

Da Vinci Code is a wonderful book - I'll give him that. The prose is not the best, but he's a good storyteller, even though it is not really his story per se. All the conspiracy theories in the book about Leonardo da Vinci, Mary Magdalene, the Holy Grail, the Priory of Sion, Mona Lisa and The Last Supper, etc. have been tackled before. Dan Brown was the one who collated them and spun a thrilling tale out of them.

With Digital Fortress, he's obviously out of his element. Knowing a little bit of NSA and public-key encryption and Enigma and Skipjack and hardware keyloggers and mutation strings does not a crypto expert make. The storyline is very basic - everything else is fluff. I don't mind fluff, but there's just too many inaccuracies and plot holes in this one. NSA is not the ultra-top-secret government agency like MIB that Mr. Brown makes it to be. Nobody names their supercomputer TRANSLATR. What next, a sysad called z3r0c00l? The idea of a supercomputer that can break any code in a matter of minutes is flawed. At the very least, you'll have to know the algorithm used. And how did Node 3 become the nerve center of Crypto? All hell breaks loose, and nobody on the outside knows about it? How did those firearms get into Node 3? No surveillance cameras? No security checks? And a supercomputer that blows up because of a cooling system malfunction? Even the lowly PC knows enough to shut itself down in such a case.

I have a complaint about Mr. Brown's writing style, too. The guy is not writing a book, he's writing a movie transcript. Imagine 128 chapter in 429 pages (paperback). He's got three or four simultaneous plot threads, and every few pages he would make a switch. Tolerable at first, but I tell you, it gets tiring very fast. Cardboard characters, cheesy dialogue, convoluted plot twists. The last scene where everyone is trying to guess the passphrase to deactivate the worm takes the cake. Somehow this worm is uber-smart that it can take down the multiple levels of firewall/antivirus/anti-spyware/anti-adware software protecting the NSA databank. As the script kiddies and crackers burrow deeper into the database, the cream of the NSA crap, I mean crop run around shrieking and waving their hands in the air, "10...9...8..." Listen guys, just disable the port, all right? Or get a pair of cable cutters and cut off (literally) all external links, ok? Jeez. As for the "prime difference" clue, I immediately got the hint. No points for the "brilliant and beautiful mathematician" Susan Fletcher with an IQ of 170.

Just to be cute, Mr. Brown included a code at the end of the book. I didn't even try to solve it because I'm sure it's a pathetic newbie attempt at cryptography. I still have Deception Point on my bookshelf. I think it's another filler Dan Brown cranked out so that bookstores can sell those collector's edition foursome in a special box. I'll probably read it when I'm feeling down - to get a few laughs.

Top 20 Geek Novels

Informal survey was conducted by Jack Schofield, resident computer editor of The Guardian, through Survey Monkey. Results shown below:

1. The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
2. Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
3. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
4. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Philip Dick
5. Neuromancer - William Gibson
6. Dune - Frank Herbert
7. I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
8. Foundation - Isaac Asimov
9. The Colour of Magic - Terry Pratchett
10. Microserfs - Douglas Coupland
11. Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
12. Watchmen - Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
13. Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
14. Consider Phlebas - Iain M Banks
15. Stranger in a Strange Land - Robert Heinlein
16. The Man in the High Castle - Philip K Dick
17. American Gods - Neil Gaiman
18. The Diamond Age - Neal Stephenson
19. The Illuminatus! Trilogy - Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson
20. Trouble with Lichen - John Wyndham

Not so happy that I've only read 5 out of 20. I have Neal Stephenson's books stashed somewhere and Microserfs, so those are next on my reading list.

Question of the Day

Imagine you're a pretty systematic driver. After parking, you put the gear in park, engage the handbrake, take your foot off the brake pedal, switch the airconditioner to fan, turn off the car stereo, switch off the fan, switch off the engine, unfasten your seatbelt, disengage the lock, open the door, step out of the car, close the door, and engage the car's security system.

What would you have thought/felt when you get back to the parking lot after a few hours to find your car unlocked with the engine idling?

Becoming an Australian

I'm truly on my way to becoming a true Australian. No, I still can't sing Advance Australia Fair or the other national anthem, or applied for a passport, but I did buy a Victa lawnmower from KMart last weekend (after months of letting the lawn take care of itself). I'll make sure the immigration officer knows about this when I go for my citizenship interview next month. I might just buy an edge trimmer or a barbie for additional brownie points.

Thank You, John Safran

Tonight, the Australian Socceroos take on Uruguay at the Telstra Stadium for a spot in next year's FIFA World Cup in Germany. Just to give you an idea of how important the game is, Australia hasn't seen action at the World Cup finals since 1974. To win a place, the Socceroos need to win by two clear goals in this second leg of the qualifier.

Watching the game (on SBS), one can see that Uruguay is definitely better than the Aussie team, who kept passing the ball around. Things started to pick up when Harry Kewell came in. All of a sudden, there was renewed spirit and a sense of direction. By half-time, it's 1-0 Australia, courtesy of Marco Bresciano. The Aussies never let off the pressure, but the Uruguay defense is tight as a drum. So at the end of the 90-min. regulation time, it's still 1-0 Australia (1-1 aggregate), forcing a 30-min. extra time.

Lots of tries and misses and saves, but no solid goals, and so the match goes into a penalty shootout. After the smoke has cleared, Australia beats Uruguay 4-2 on penalties with Harry Kewell, Lucas Neil, Tony Vidmar and Jon Aloisi scoring successful goals. Special mention goes to Mark Schwarzer for pulling off two spectacular saves.

But let's not forget John Safran. Rumors has it that the Socceroos had a curse placed on them when they were playing Zimbabwe in 1969. They got a witchdoctor to put a curse on the opposing team, so the Aussies won the match. They left without paying for the witchdoctor's services, so he then placed a curse on the team. Since then, it's all downhill for the Socceroos. In John Safran vs. God, Safran tracked down the same witchdoctor in Mozambique, and offered to pay the fee (plus interest???) in order to lift the curse. Aside from that, he had to undergo a ritual, where he is sprayed with chicken blood.

Australia, say thank you to John Safran!

Black Books in The Office

Dropped by the library this afternoon, and was fortunate enough to find a copy of The Office: The Complete Second Season DVD on the racks. I've watched Season One and the Christmas Specials before, so this is the missing link I've been looking for. What will happen to David Brent after the branch merger? Will Tim and Dawn become a couple? Will Gareth ever develop a sense of humour?

A few weeks ago, I was watching another British comedy series - Black Books. It's about this grumpy, sadistic bookshop owner named Bernard Black, whose only purpose in life is to read books, get drunk, torture his assistant (Manny Bianco) , and drive away all the customers. Fran, who is their next-door neighbor, acts as the mediator. The whole series is quite entertaining as the episode plots are over-the-top ludicrous and the slapstick is hilarious.

Just noticed that Dawn (Lucy Davis) and Bernard (Dylan Moran) play as Dianne and David in the movie Shaun of the Dead.