Movie 2006.03.01 - Rent

WARNING! If you're a Rent-head, I suggest you scroll down now because you're not gonna like what I'm about to say about Rent (the movie). First of all, I have to make it clear that I have not watched Rent the musical. I'm not sure if that's gonna make any difference because Rent the movie is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Yes, it's that bad. Put simply, it's a story about a bunch of bohemians who have delusions that they have a (insert favourite deity here)-given right NOT to pay rent just because they're "artists".

Rent may well be a very good musical, but when I go to a cinema to watch a movie, I expect to see a movie - not a stage musical transferred onto film. I don't want the cast singing songs every 5 minutes. (Gives me goosebumps.) I don't want them behaving as if the whole world is a stage. You don't make bonfires inside your apartment. You don't have the whole neighborhood singing a chorus and throwing burning debris onto the streets of East Village (and NOT get arrested). You don't go to an AIDS support group meeting filming people with a hand-cranked 8-mm camera, and they just sit there singing about their sad little life stories as if they do that everyday. You don't do a rowdy song-and-dance number involving 20-odd people on tabletops and bartops complete with same-sex kissing and groping (and NOT get kicked out of the restaurant before the first line is over).

Some things work well on stage, but they don't always work on screen. I want real characters, not actors. I want real scenes, not sets. I want real plot development, not some guy singing the story out loud a la music video. Everything just feels so fake so scripted that you can't feel for any of the characters - not when Tom Collins got mugged, not when Angel dies of AIDS, not when Maureen and Joanne break off their engagement, not when Mimi freezes to death. Not when all the cast members do is emote with their eyes and sing songs. The only funny part of the movie is when Mimi slowly shivers to death while Roger croons the song he's been working on for a year. Mimi passes away, but after a few minutes she gives a little twitch and comes back to life rambling about moving towards the white light and meeting Angel who tells her to go back. That was funny. Yeah, right.

Things could've been better if the songs are top-notch, but they're not. Serious. The lyrics don't sound right because instead of serving the story, they were forced to tell the story. The only good ones are probably Seasons of Love, Tango: Maureen, and La Vie Boheme. Theater fans out there might argue that I didn't fully appreciate the movie because I didn't watch the play. That might be true, but then again, you can't expect all the moviegoers to watch the play prior to the movie. It should be able to stand on its own, but it doesn't.