Book 2008.01.04 - Air Babylon

Written by the co-author of Hotel Babylon, I guess Imogen Edwards-Jones went around interviewing airport ground staff and stewards/stewardesses to come up with this book. Air Babylon basically a collection of strange stories and amusing anecdotes about the airline industry that travelers would rather not know about:

• What happens when a passenger dies mid-flight? Due to lack of space, sometimes the corpse is just stashed in the toilet, then wheeled out in a trolley. That's if rigor mortis hasn't set in yet. If the first-class passengers don't mind/care/know, dump him in first class, put on an oxygen mask, and pretend he's resting. The bad thing is, everything comes out when you're dead, so the seat covers need to be changed once all the passengers have disembarked. Also, when a passenger is taken ill or dies mid-flight, the captain is supposed to land at the nearest airport. This almost always never happens because any deviation from flight schedule costs bazillions of dollars. They don't even call the time of death in real-time because it's easier to get a death certificate at the destination on terra firma.
• What's the best way to beat the airport queues? Pretend you can't walk and demand a wheelchair. This gets you a personal porter, who'll take you through customs and passport control, and even pick up your bags. Once in the arrival area, people miraculously jump up from the wheelchairs and rush to their waiting friends and relatives. The airlines got wise to this, and some are charging extra fees for use of the wheelchairs.
• Why airline food doesn't taste good? That's because airline food is packed in preservatives, drenched in chemicals, and high in salt and fat content. They're supposed to *look* nice and palatable, and have at least two colors on the plate. Catering companies make huge profits off airline food. Just imagine how many meals are served on a typical flight. None of the cooks are chef standard - they just prepare the food.
• Why do you need to be nice to the check-in girls and the stewardesses? It's a tightly-knit gang - offend one of them and you can be sure your entire flight will be hell. The check-in girl won't give you the window seat even if there are lots available. Heck, they'll even put you between two of the fattest people on the flight. But wait, there's more: they fart silently in your face when they bend over; they wipe your steak on the toilet seat before serving it to you; they spit on the drinks you order, or worse they lace it with laxative.
• How to get an upgrade? People come up with all sorts of reasons to get an upgrade: wife is pregnant, wife on her period, wife having the flu, wife having a bad headache, we're honeymooners, etc. Easiest way to get an upgrade? Try slipping a bribe inside your passport. It's illegal to do so, but depending on the check in girl's integrity, she might just pocket the money and upgrade you. Heck, some even allow in illegal immigrants with forged passports.

There's lots more stories to tell, and they all happen during 24 hours in the life of a duty airport manager at London Heathrow.