Monday Night TV

Monday night is SBS night. That's why I make it a point to come home early (relatively).

At 7:30pm, it's Mythbusters. The dynamic duo of Adam and Jamie makes science and engineering so much fun. Makes me wish I had them as my lab instructors. Basically, they go around disproving (or proving) urban myths that we've all heard before by doing actual experiments. For example, do you get wetter running or walking in the rain? Can chatting on a cell phone while pumping gas cause the pump to blow up? Is it really that dangerous to answer the call of nature on the electrified third rail of a train track? Did Lucille Ball exposed a Japanese spy ring by listening to radio signals transmitted by her tooth fillings? Can firing a bullet inside an airplane cause an explosive decompression? Can the rhythm of soldiers marching together can cause a bridge to collapse? Can you really murder someone by dropping an electrical appliance into a bathtub? Is it possible to throw a regular playing card fast enough to inflict bodily harm? These and more on the Mythbusters.

Next up are Pauly, Habib, Toula, and Rocky in Fat Pizza. I've watched these guys circle the globe (twice) in search of the original pizza. Now, they're back with an all-new series. How did I know it's really new? Well, Pauly's mobile phone has the latest Crazy Frog ringtone everyone's crazy about. Bobo the Chef is expanding his pizza business, so he opens an outlet at Hashfield Heights. He gets an apprentice, hires a bunch of misfits (a parking lot DJ, a Chinese, and a Maori Bouncer), and makes Pauly the supervisor. He refuses to rehire Davo, who's living in a trailer in his G-string, stoned as ever. The episodes revolve mostly around fat pizzas, fast cars, cultural clashes, and hot chicks. Fully sik, mate!

At 9pm, it's John Safran vs. God, where he takes on the world's major religions. If you think he's good in Music Jamboree, he's a natural in John Safran vs. God. He has so much angst inside him. Why take it out on the boybands and the music industry, when you can take it out on religion? In this irreverent, blasphemous series, he gets a fatwa placed on Rove McManus, tries to convince the Grand Dragon of KKK to admit him as a member, auditions for the Harlem Gospel Choir, gets a Mozambique witch doctor to break the 30-year old curse placed on the Australian football team, buys himself a set of Mormon magical underpants, drinks Viking wine filtered through the priestess' underwear, etc. Ah, the things people do for TV ratings.

Movies Not to Watch

The Guru

Even the presence Heather Graham and Marisa Tomei can't save this movie. Has a good enough plot, but story development is just bad.

Macarena dancer from India goes to New York in search of the American Dream. He works his way up as a waiter, a pr0n star, a party swami, then to guru of s3x. He preaches to the rich and famous, but actually gets his teachings from his movie partner (Heather Graham). She later discovers his scam, and decides to tie the knot with her long-time fireman-fiance. At the wedding ceremony, the guru intervenes and wins her back. Meanwhile, the groom "comes out" and declares his love for his fireman buddy. Everybody breaks into a Bollywood-style dancing, and get this, Heather and Mister Guru flies off into the heavens in a red Mercedes convertible. I kid you not.

Kiss the Bride

I have this knack for identifying bad movies just by looking at the title and reading the back cover of the DVD. And I was right about this one. Throw in storylines and scenes from all the family dramas you've seen, and you end up with this.

• Family with four daughters: the confident overachiever, the suffering fighter, the normal homebody, and the rebel rocker
• Overachiever comes home in a Hummer as long as a submarine with a hotshot boyfriend in tow, and impresses everyone
• Fighter sacrifices lovelife in favour of career to prove she's as strong and as capable as Overachiever
• Rebel comes home in full rocker costume, and gives her girlfriend a torrid kiss in the mouth, in case anyone forgets she's the black sheep of the family
• Mandatory big family lunch where the father questions the boyfriend's love for his daughter, where one of the sisters admits to sleeping with the boyfriend, where another sister throws a tantrum and makes a tearful speech about being neglected, and everyone sits around looking shocked
• Surprise wedding by the sea with all family members present, happy and content.

The script is flimsy, the dialogue is bland, the scenes are mostly irrelevant. Heck, I wasn't even watching the movie. But working away on my laptop, while listening to the dialogue and looking at the TV once every few minutes, I still have the feeling I've been cheated. Throughout the movie, I kept asking is this scene even remotely relevant to the plot? Then I go, Jeez, what plot?! I can go on and on and on, but I'll make this short - this movie is bad, bad, bad.


My Big Fat Greek Wedding

My guess the reason why this movie became a box-office hit is the same reason why Yao Ming was voted as the starting center for the NBA All-Stars. Billions of Chinese voted for Yao Ming and millions of Greeks watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Here's the plot. Long-haired vegetarian schoolteacher marries Greek spinster. That's it. Full stop. Period. Um, I'm trying to make the plot look longer, but that's the best I can do. Some of the Greek trivia were interesting when I first watched the movie a few years ago. When a Greek girl becomes 30, you need the father's permission to date her. So, that's how a grown-up man gets baptized at the Greek Orthodox Church. Yuck, they actually spit on the bride. Oh, that's the zorba dance. They sure eat a lot, and instead of Wazzzup? they shout Oopah! every 5 minutes.

On second viewing, I found the actors' performances contrived and forced. The jokes and gags are not that funny. If it's Greek trivia you want, look it up on the Internet or better yet, talk to your Greek friend.

Another Secondhand Saturday

Another round of Secondhand Saturday. This time at Leichhardt. There are good things to be had in these sales. A pack of stamps for just $1. At the tourist shop in Circular Quay, it sells for $10. Bought some phone cards for my collection, too. A hardbound book of Asimov's Foundation Trilogy, including The Stars Like Dust, The Naked Sun, and I, Robot for $2. Another hardbound book of George Orwell's works also for $2. Snagged some Happy Meal Sesame Street and Winnie the Pooh characters, a Russ Cromwell Bear and a Wild Republic orangutan. I also got a Beanie Babies moose, but only for 5 minutes. As I was driving away, the lady owner flagged me down and wanted it back. Said she couldn't bear to part with it. I should've doubled the price.

The Lady and the Lorakeets

On my way to the post office, I passed by this lady's place, and the front of her house is being mobbed by lorakeets. I've never seen so many lorakeets in my life. I asked her if they are her pets. No, she said, they just come to her for food. They come in the morning, and again in the afternoon. She has been feeding them every single day for the past seven years. She even has a special tree/twig where she sticks apples, pears, bananas and grapes for them. Some of the pigeons try to gatecrash and get a free lunch, so she has to chase them away.

The lorakeets are so colorful and radiant, I wonder if they wash their feathers every day. They twitter non-stop, and because of their numbers, the sounds they make are quite loud. I wonder if the neighbors ever complain.

Movie 2005.06.01 - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I originally planned to watch Kingdom of Heaven, as one colleague said it's great. Just when I got to Greater Union Burwood, my sister gave an opposite opinion based on feedback she got. While thinking about it, I went to Burger King for a light snack.

Did you know that Burger King Burwood is Australia's one and only Burger King branded outlet? With credentials like that, you'd thinking people will be coming here in droves. NOT! The place is big and clean, but only a handful of customers were there. One cashier at the front and two back-office staff preparing orders as they come. I bet they're the ones who clean the toilets, too. Things must be really bad for Burger King because I noticed they're using Hungry Jack's paper traymat and salt sachets. I asked the staff about it. She said sometimes they get supplies from Hungry Jack's when they're out of stock, but they're separate entities. Yeah, right. Why not order supplies from McDonald's? She's just not letting me in on the big secret. I smell a conspiracy.

Anyway, I decided to go for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy instead. The ladies at the counter assured me it's good. I got in the cinema 20 minutes before showtime because I wanted to get a good seat and I'm such a sucker for trailers. The end credits were just scrolling when I walked in, and get this, there's not a single soul in the cinema. 121 seats, 1 viewer. So I sat there for like 10, 15 minutes listening to Star Wars soundtrack (in an HHGG cinema). I noticed another Star Wars marketing gimmick as I walked into the theater. Between the steps of the escalators are panels with text on them. As the escalators move up, they simulate the opening sequence of Star Wars with text slowly scrolling up the screen. Good thing a few couples walked in just as the movie is about to start. All that airconditioning and projection and surround sound for one person is a bit wasteful.

The movie is better and funnier than I expected. The jokes are not really funny, but I just feel like laughing out loud. It has been years since I read the book, but I still remember some bits here and there. Don't expect a strong coherent plot because you'll be disappointed. The movie started with Arthur Dent (played by Martin Freeman from The Office) suffering a triple-whammy: the (new) love of his life ran off with an alien, his house gets demolished in favor of a bypass, and Earth was blown up to make way for a hyperspatial expressway. Arthur was saved at the last-minute by his alien friend Ford, and they hitch-hike their way across the universe. The have a nasty encounter with poetry-reading Vogons, met some old friends on the Heart of Gold (Zaphod, Trillian, and Marvin the Paranoid Android), had a chat with Deep Thought about life, the universe, and everything, and got a backup copy of Earth courtesy of some mice.

To top off a great adventure, they decide to have lunch at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

Some funny quotes I remembered:
Arthur: I'm British, I know how to queue.
Vogon: Resistance is useless!
Trillian: [Zaphod aims the Point of View gun at Trillian] That won't work. I'm already a woman.
Marvin the Paranoid Android: [Trillian is ecstatic that Marvin saved them] I know. Wretched, isn't it?
Vogon Secretary: [Arthur holding Marvin's arm as if it's a gun and asking where Trillian is] Who? The Director of Arm Repair?
Ford: Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.

Badminton Tournament - Day 4 (Championship)

It was supposed to be a best-of-three championship match, but our opponents showed no mercy. JLo and I did quite well in the first game, even though we lost. By the second game, we started making mistakes. Bad serves, missed returns, net balls, etc., so we cracked. Didn't even get to see game #3. I'm just relieved it's over.

Like I said, first prize is a Yonex Muscle Power, while second prize is a Yonex racquet bag. Given that my Carbonex14 is old already, I really wanted that Muscle Power. Not to mention the bragging rights. Funny thing is, a lot of people said they'd rather have the bag. So would the first-placer rather have the Yonex bag than the Yonex racquet? Sure he does. So that's how I lost the match, but won a new racquet. But here's the catch. (Yes, Virginia, in life there's always a catch.) The supposed Muscle Power magically transformed itself to an Isometric. Could it be that my decades-old Carbonex is still better than the new Isometric? Possible, but what am I supposed to do with a big racquet bag if I have only one single racquet? Let's see what the Isometric has to say for itself in next week's practice session.

Albert Goes to Melbourne

Went down to Melbourne for a day trip. The return plane ticket via Qantas costs about A$600+. Considering the cheap airfares being advertised by Virgin Blue and JetStar, I'm shocked it's costing the company this much. If I changed my schedule a bit, the fare can go down as low as about A$300+, but that's about it. No wonder our company is losing money.

People say time flies when you're having fun. Others say time flies when you're not doing anything. I say time flies. Period. I settled comfortably in my seat. Picked up the inflight magazine and read the more interesting articles. I put on the headsets and listened to a couple of pieces and songs - flipping through the magazine, trying to identify which channel is classical, which is pop. Then thud, touchdown.

We could've easily taken a cab to Sunshine, but the Project Manager decided to rent a car. I thought he knew what he was doing, but apparently he didn't even know where we are going. It's a bad idea to sit in the front passenger side because that automatically made me the navigator. He handed me a map of Melbourne, and off we go.

They say Melbourne is Europe and Sydney is US. They could be right. I don't think the streets of Europe are also arranged in a neat grid formation, but there's enough old buildings and Old World charm to warrant the comment. My camera didn't see much action, because we were always stuck in a car (going to the customer site, looking for a good place to eat in the city, rushing back to the airport half an hour before it flies).

The project manager and our client were duly impressed with my map-reading skills that they actually commented on it. The PM reasoned that's because I'm a male. I told him he's being a (male) chauvinist, but I'm thinking he could be right, you know. My sister's map-reading could be further improved. (That's putting it nicely, as she might be reading this.) Now, this is the PM talking about his wife-navigator. "She has a hard time orienting the car with the map, so left becomes right and vice versa. She usually gives directions one or two streets late. Instead of giving the street name or counting off the intersecting streets, she would simply say, "Turn right NOW!"" They would argue in the car, which usually ends with the wife handing (putting it nicely) the map to the PM.

I know how you feel, mate.

Movie 2005.05.25 - Malena

Set in WWII Sicily, Malena is a comedy/drama about beauty's power to inspire and to destroy. Thirteen-year old Renato is infatuated with the town siren Malena. (So is every hot-blooded male in the town.) He follows her around town in his bicycle. He skips class and camps outside her house. At night he becomes a voyeur and watches over her.

Such is Malena's beauty that whenever she walks by, the whole town just stops. The men ogle and the women gossip. When news that her soldier-husband has died in the war, matters took a turn for the worse. Malena became fair game, and the men converged on her. Their wives spread nasty rumors about her being a prostitute, and she was eventually sued in court. She sought help from a lawyer. The lecherous lawyer defended her well in court, but that night he made sure Malena paid top price, even though she has no money on her.

The climax of the movie was when Malena was barbarically tortured by the "moralists" of the town, who accused her of sleeping with the enemy. The wives dragged her to the streets, and proceeded to kick and beat her up, tearing her clothes and cutting her hair. As usual, the men just ogled. (A few people have suggested that Melana is actually a contraction for the biblical Magdalena - the famous carnal sinner who turns out to be virtuous in the end.)

All this time Renato has been watching and waiting. When Malena's husband came back, crippled and ignored, he directed him where to find his wife. The couple eventually returned to the town, and the hypocrites welcomed them as if nothing happened. Near the end of the movie, Renato finally got to talk to Malena after all these years. He wished her luck and pedalled away on his bicycle. He never told her what she means to him - his muse, his sense of honor, his courage. Till his dying days, he never loved another like he loved her.

Direction by Giuseppe Tornatore, score by Ennio Morricone. The main theme eventually became You're Still You by Josh Groban.

Movie 2005.05.22 - In Good Company

In this movie, Dennis Quad plays 51-year old ad sales executive Dan Foreman. The magazine was acquired by corporate raider Teddy K., and 26-year old Carter Duryea (played by Topher Grace) was sent over to take his place. Definitely bad news for Dan because at his age, he can't afford to lose his job. Wife Ann announces she's pregnant, and daughter Alex (Scarlett Johansson) ditches her tennis scholarship to take up creative writing at NYU in Greenwich Village. What's worse news than a second mortgage? Carter and Alex become a couple behind Dan's back.

This sounds like a feel-good movie, but it's not. During the inter-department basketball game, it would've nice for Dan to execute a killer dunk to show 'em who's the real hotshot, but instead he landed hard on the court and injured his arm. During that coffeeshop scene where he confronts Carter and Alex, it would've been nice if Dan realizes that kids will be kids and just let them be (and earn brownie points with the boss), but instead he makes a loud commotion, socks Carter in the eye, and storms off. When Dan contradicts Teddy K. during his grand let's-take-over-the-world speech, it would've been nice if everyone broke into applause, and Teddy K. slinks off with his tail between his legs, but instead Teddy K. observes, "Very interesting questions.", and sells off the magazine company again.

Later, Alex breaks off with Carter; Carter loses his job; Dan gets back his ad sales department, and rehires his laid-off staff. He offers Carter a job, but he declined. And if you were thinking if Alex and Carter got back together? They didn't.